10 days more to a lvls. how fun. haha.

oh well. i better somehow make it.

2 weeks more to end of school.

end of my 2 years at ac.

wow.

oh well.

so many things. plenty of lessons learnt. plenty of things realised.

ac is where i have the best two years of my life:D being in a college that i love, that im really proud to be in, being an ACsian:D

im really grateful that i made it here. really grateful to my fantastic class who saw me through my 2 years. my friends, my peeps, they've been so great to me, being there for me, supporting me..

esp to megan. in my j1 years where i was such an idiot and noob over everything, when i had such a hard time, i could just talk freely to her about anything, everything. talking about totally random and retarded stuff. haha.

then j2. i later realise that the entire term 1 i had been so stressed and that i've not talked to anyone heart to heart. i later realised it was cos megan's not with me in class anymore. cos i always talk to her every single moment about whatever random stuff that comes into my mind. i'd became so quiet cos she wasn't around. haha. talk about rediscovering my class ppl cos the past year i only talk to megan haha.

i think the really cute thing about megan now is having murharni with her. haha murharni is like so like me. 1st she's from band. then from there, hmm.. haha let's just say she's learning the wrong things from the wrong band senior haha:D

honours night was last wed. after the whole ceremony blah blah was dinner. then i went off with jim siwei mong ying hao da da. it was so fun:D like just the group of us. then later we went to the band room to take pic. jeremy and melvin tay singing all sorts of retarded songs and doing all sorts of retarded things. mong being mong yelling at them for being retarded. jim laughing like mad at me for throwing my own handphone sock into the dustbin. jeremy being full of nonsense.

i laughed so much that night. it was so fun.

i realise that i've forgotten how it was like to have fun in band. how i once had really really fun times in band. back when i was j1, when dr lee was still ard, when we were at the lt4. after band we will always stay back to play. hang around in the band office, having a private place to ourselves which is our band office, talking all sorts of stuff, running all over the place, doing all sorts of retarded things, playing around, running up to switch off the air con, fooling around.

those were really really fun times.

im grateful to honours night. it brought back those memories. so at least now my band memories won't be sad ones of syf, concert, all the stuff that broke me and make me so depressed and sad. now i remembered that i once had really really fun times. really happy days. i rmb thinking in the past happily that i'll always rmb band the way it is. staying back to have so much fun.

if not for honours night my band memories will really be only those of after dr lee's gone. when we moved to cpa. then when things start changing. syf, concert, camp. basically only j2 stuff. those that only bringme hurt and pain.

leave all the bad memories underground. literally.

well.. realise many things..

some things may seem rather complicated and confusing. then as u tried and figure out what is going on, things happened. as u tried to prevent things from getting worse, the harder you tried, the worse it got.

i guess i didn't do a good job. i could have done much better. could have grip hold of my emotions much tighter before everything went so wrong.

i tried. believe me i did. i really tried really hard to make everything ok. by not breaking the status quo. by staying the way things had been.

but apparently not hard enough.

suddenly i see light. finally realise what is going on.

initially the pain was in realising that the same thing is happening all over again. the realisation that there is nothing i can do. the feeling of total helplessness. that i can only watch things die and not being able to do anything. not in the position to do anything.

only yesterday did the full impact of the truth finally hit me.

i already realised. was just pretty stoned about it, not wanting to feel much.

what is there to let go and move on? what exactly is there for me to let go, for me to get over about???

nothing.

yep the answer is that. nothing at all.

that from the beginning until now, there is nothing at all. i thought there is something. but there really is nothing at all. nothing at all.

i thought that things just changed. but actually they never did. they had always been the same.

incredible how painfully simple things can turn out to be right.

the problem lies in the problem that there is no problem at all.

in the fact that there is nothing at all.

another lesson to be learnt huh.

it sucks.

내게 올 수 없을거라고 이젠 그럴 수 없다고
제발 그만하라고 나를 달래지
정말 잊어버리고 싶어 다신 볼 수 없다면
나를 잡고있는 너의 모든걸

* CHORUS *
내가 웃고 싶을 때마다 넌 나를 울어버리게 만드니까
어느것 하나도 나의 뜻대로 넌 할 수 없게 만드는 걸
니가 보고싶을 때마다 넌 이렇게 무너져버리고 마니까
아무리 잊으려고 애를 써도 잊을 수 없게 하니까

정말 잊어버리고 싶어 다신 볼 수 없다면
나를 잡고있는 너의 모든걸

* Repeat

다른 사람을 사랑하는게 이토록 힘든일인지
난 정말 몰랐어

* Repeat





Naega eol su Eubsul-gurako ijen gurul su eubdako
Jebal guman-harako nurul darraeji
Jungmal ijuburiko shipuh dashin beol su eub-damyun
Narul japko-ihnun nuheui modun-gul

* CHORUS *
Naega oohko shipul daemada nun narul ooruburikeh mandunikka
Eunukuh hanado naheui ddudaero nun hal su eupkeh mandunun gul
Nika bokoshipul ddaemada nun ilruhkeh muneo-jyuburiko manikka
Amuri ijuryuko aerul ssudo ijul su eupkeh hanikka

Jungmal ijuburiko shipuh dashin beol su eup-damyun
Narul japko-ihnun nuheui modun-gul

* Repeat

Darun saramul sarang-hanunkeh itorok himdunil-inji
Nan jungmal morrassuh

* Repeat

prelims is almost over.. haha..lousy prelims don't know what kind of grades i will get..

i recently got the winter sonata song!!! yay:D

then put it on loop to emo about it haha..

from the beginning until now..

better to let go and move on. and learn to live without you.

had been talking to rui a lot. like many things.

i realised that what im so scared is that what that happened will happened again. that im scared of losing you the way i lost someone 4 years ago. but for that someone it's another story. that time i was too stupid to know or realise anything.

but this time round, i know what's goin on. painfully aware of what that's happening. will be happening.

and like back then, i can't do anything about it.

can't tell you anything.

just chill and act normal. which is what im doing now.

and do what i did 3 years ago when i finally realised what to do.

better to let go and move on. and learn to live without him.

so im doing that now.

better to let go and move on. and learn to live without you.

draw a line between everything. and be done with it.

it was the o levels back then that woke me up and make me realise that i must let go and move on.

now it's the a levels. better to let go and move on. it's not worth it losing the heart and will to study all because of someone. not worth it to flunk my prelims, my a levels just for someone.

cos it's stupid. end of the day i live for myself. not for some whoever.

so fine. im moving on. better to let go. better to let things unsaid. better to let things be the way they are.

i'll learn to survive. but im scared. but i'll do it. and i'll make it.

it's hard. but at least this time round im not alone. i get to talk to my frens abt it and im not emo-ing going mad all by myself. so ya i will survive.

better to let go and move on. and learn to live without you. for what's once there is gone. im not that stupid to do stupid things so don't worry. i'll do well n i'll survive.

well i got back my mid years.. failed everything. so ssp.

not that it makes much diff cos im now studying back in school to study everyday haha..ya now always stay back with val and so on..

must mug must mug must mug!!!! my studies like shit>.<

5 more weeks to prelims. im so doomed. haha..